Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
