I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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