he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
