How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This is the high leading the old right now
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
