ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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