it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
