i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
