I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
