have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
