It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
