I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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