My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
