Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
