who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
