fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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