I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
