he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
