Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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