She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
