I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
