I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
