You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
