He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
