After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
