You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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