It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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