Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
