Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
