i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
no you cant smoke seaweed
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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