Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
