TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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