I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize