maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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