it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
