its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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