then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
be right there i have to get my cape
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
