the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize