dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
