he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
