Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Randomize
