When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
