ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
