He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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