you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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