the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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