I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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