I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
