there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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