I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
