i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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