So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Randomize
