can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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