He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
