If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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