dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
