why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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