it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
