i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
