Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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