Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
