You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
