I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
