Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
