he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize