Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
