I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
