i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
