Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
