Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
