Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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