I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My feet surprised me
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
