A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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