She's JV to your varsity
My underwear smells like fireworks.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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