Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink

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(850): View more from Florida

We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....

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(602): View more from Arizona

One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.

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(320): View more from Minnesota

I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...

(1-320): View more from Minnesota

It's been a bad semester.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy

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(630): View more from Illinois

There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?

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(253): View more from Washington

I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.

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