Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
be right there i have to get my cape
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
