So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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