wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
