the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize