i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
