Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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