When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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