Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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