have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
