This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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