This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
