I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
birth control should be required to get into college
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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