Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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