She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
