so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
