I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
