omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
