You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i think i just lost a toe
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
