Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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