Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
