How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
