I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You took a bar mat shot.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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