fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
