it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
