went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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