My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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