Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
