Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
time to smoke my breakfast
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
