Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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