I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
