Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
